Elaboration on Skills from this Section
- When the Art of the Deal Includes Improv Training – ‘Yes, And…‘ and the use of improv training for communication in general.
- The Paradox of Why – More elaboration from Bay NVC on ‘why’: inquiry vs. inquisition.
- Avoid Lazy Language: Say What You Mean – The importance of avoiding digital slang.
- Do I Want It or ‘Should’ It Happen – Relating to NVC, how we bring implied shoulds into our perspective.
- Cartoons Show how ‘Thank You’ Can Be a Substitute for ‘Sorry’ – Great comic cartoons exemplifying an Intentional Speech concept.
- Eliminate Two Phrases, Be More Successful – Swap ‘but’ for ‘and’, swap ‘have to’ for ‘want to’.
- The Problem with ‘Just’ – An affirming article from Seth Godin to our piece from this section on ‘Just’
- Musterbation: The Danger in Shoulding All Over the Place – More on the implied judgments of ‘should’.
- Just not Sorry – A Chrome extension that underlines when you say ‘sorry’ ‘just’ and other dis-empowering things in gmail!
- Replacerator – Another Chrome extension. This one allows you to select any word or phrase and change it to any desired replacement. This change will happen anywhere in your browser.
- The Ultimate “Say This, Not That” Cheat Sheet for Positive Parents – This article applies to so much more than just parenting. Very useful examples and Intentional Speech practices here.
Other and Related Articles
The One Conversational Tool that Will Make You Better at Absolutely Everything – How to ask questions well, by Forbes.
Why Are Some Words More Persuasive than Others? – a deep article, with detail and subtlety around the use of even simple words and their effect on our brains.
Does Anyone ‘Deserve’ Anything – An insightful article relating Intentional Speech and Compassionate Communication by viewing the language of rights and the language of needs.
A Scientific Guide to Saying ‘No’ – How to avoid temptation and distraction.
How to Translate ‘I Wish I Could’ Into Actual Results – Make and intention statement, get the first one done, tell people what you’re doing, do it again.
Methods for Saying No – Explain why, exude grace and gratitude, never apologize, do it constructively, be direct and concise, say no quickly, and more.
How a Popular 2-Letter Word is Undermining Your Credibility – “So”, and how it insults your audience and undermines your credibility.
What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) – Four self-awareness archetypes and relating language to self-awareness.
A Thousand Ways to Say, “I Love You” – Different ways to say one of the most important things.
Science Says: Words Matter – A Plus One from Brian Johnson, this 1.5-min video mentions a fascinating study involving crosswords.
A hilarious poem exemplifying modern internet language that says very little. (5 min)
A vlogger explains why they stopped using the word ‘should’. (5 min)
Removing weak words from our vocabulary. (2 min)
Also known as Nonviolent Communication or ‘NVC’, this is a not only a way of communicating, but a way of understanding yourself and others, and a way of being as a force of love in the world. Excellent for relationships and conflict mitigation especially.
This section is about fostering our ability to frame all of our experiences as an invitation for growth. Our responses, included our emotions, our the responsibility of nobody but us.
This is the specific practice of communicating in integrity with our most authentic wants. When we are radically honest with ourselves and others, we are embracing honesty and trust, and enabling others to do the same.
“What we’re all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection.” –Oprah Winfrey
“To speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.” –Ben Jonson
“If you wouldn’t write it and sign it, don’t say it.” –Earl Wilson
“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.” –Dan Quayle
“Gaining mastery over our destructive propensities, through the exercise of awareness and self-discipline with regard to our body, speech, and mind, frees us from the inner turmoil that naturally arises when our behaviour is at odds with our ideals. In place of this turmoil come confidence, integrity, and dignity – heroic qualities all human beings naturally aspire to.” -the Dalai Lama
“The words we attach to our experience become our experience.” – Anthony Robbins
“It’s clear to me that we cannot truly change how we communicate unless we think differently. In the other direction, making a conscious choice about which words I do or don’t use, when and how, has had the astonishing effect of restructuring my thinking.” Miki Kashtan
“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” – Nora Roberts
“When man determined to destroy
himself he picked the was
of shall and finding only why
smashed it into because.”
– E. E. Cummings