Clean Communication

What if everyone around had the same expectations about when and how to communicate? What if they all followed through and did it that way?
World peace?
Well, let’s get a step closer to that goal.

Clean Communication Changes Lives

Studies show that those who communicate well excel in business, in their relationships and among peers. 1 2

Clean Communication is critical to healthy, sustained relationships. – Dr. John Gottman

Good communication creates higher engagement, more friends and connections, and longer-lasting relationships. 1 2

Look, you’re probably a nice, helpful person with good intentions. Most likely, you strive to be on good terms with all people. So, why do the things you say and do still frustrate others around you?

The 6 Faces of Dirty Communication

These 6 common ways of communicating (or not) uncleanly will give you a clear picture of what we’re trying to avoid with CC. You’ve probably experienced some form of these in the past day, week, or month, whether by another or by you.

Click on each photo to learn more about that form of Dirty Communication.

1. Doing something for another person that they can do for themselves. This robs that person of the choice/freedom of action to do things autonomously. You may have affected their need for freedom.

4.  Not asking for what one wants because they are afraid of the other’s reaction. You rob yourself of the opportunity to get fully what you want, and for the other person to express themselves about what you want and to find a better solution together. You may even miss the chance to learn that they want you to have that.

2.  Doing something that one does not want to do in relation to another. This robs yourself of meeting your own needs. It opens for potential future conflict, because you chose something you didn’t want, and you didn’t tell the other.

5. People not being honest and telling someone what is bothering them (Bitching, Stewing). So, so common. “I’ll deal with these issues i’m having,” or “these are just my feelings that I have to handle”. You seed trauma and create sensitivity and triggers.

3.  Doing something for another person without that person asking for help. Unsolicited advice, unwelcome feedback, presumptuous helping…trying to meet someone’s presupposed personal needs can, in fact, create different unmet needs

6.  Any joint activity where one person puts in more effort than another. You either don’t serve the shared need at hand as agreed upon, or you create more unmet needs (fairness).

Clean Communication is an impetus, a motivation that helps you represent yourself authentically when you communicate.  Inspired by the thought, you are more likely to say what you feel, when you feel it, with a vulnerable willingness around how that makes you seem to others.
Clean Communication is a way of being that empowers you and those around you to have the most freedom in a given situation.  For example, in “Dirty Communication”, if you do something for someone else that they can do themselves (this being Face Number 1), you are limiting their freedom by taking choices away from them.
Clean Communication can be defined as:
1. A philosophy that asks you to be honest in your thinking and actions, both with yourself and with others; it is communicating with the fullest responsibility, accountability, and integrity in your thoughts and actions.
2. An intuitive sense. An impulse. You can usually feel it in your gut if you are not being honest in your thoughts and their expression.
3. Allows for greater freedom in thought and action.

Organizations that have implemented training around Clean Communication have noticed huge differences in the health of the community.
In the following pages, you will learn about all aspects of clean communication. You can follow the visual guide at the bottom of this page to learn all about Clean Communication.

Clean Communication and Emotional Intelligence

Clean Communication fosters an awareness of our own, and others’ personal feelings, needs and wants. This consciousness is a flavor of ‘Emotional Intelligence’ – the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, and to identify and assess them in others.
Emotional Intelligence predicts higher work performance three times better than I.Q! Leadership is largely an emotional intelligence.

Finally, emotional intelligence is one of the best predictors of divorce and marital satisfaction!

Elements of Emotional Intelligence

Intrapersonal
Emotion Self-Awareness
Assertiveness
Self-Regard
Self-Actualization
Independence

Adaptability
Problem-Solving
Reality Testing
Flexibility

Interpersonal
Empathy
Interpersonal Relationships
Social Responsibility

Stress Management
Stress Tolerance
Impulse Control

General Mood
Happiness
Optimism

In Communities…