What if everyone around had the same expectations about when and how to communicate? What if they all followed through and did it that way?
Well, let’s get a step closer to that goal.
Clean Communication Changes Lives
Clean Communication is critical to healthy, sustained relationships. – Dr. John Gottman
The 6 Faces of Dirty Communication
These 6 common ways of communicating (or not) uncleanly will give you a clear picture of what we’re trying to avoid with CC. You’ve probably experienced some form of these in the past day, week, or month, whether by another or by you.
Click on each photo to learn more about that form of Dirty Communication.
1. Doing something for another person that they can do for themselves. This robs that person of the choice/freedom of action to do things autonomously. You may have affected their need for freedom.
4. Not asking for what one wants because they are afraid of the other’s reaction. You rob yourself of the opportunity to get fully what you want, and for the other person to express themselves about what you want and to find a better solution together. You may even miss the chance to learn that they want you to have that.
2. Doing something that one does not want to do in relation to another. This robs yourself of meeting your own needs. It opens for potential future conflict, because you chose something you didn’t want, and you didn’t tell the other.
5. People not being honest and telling someone what is bothering them (Bitching, Stewing). So, so common. “I’ll deal with these issues i’m having,” or “these are just my feelings that I have to handle”. You seed trauma and create sensitivity and triggers.
3. Doing something for another person without that person asking for help. Unsolicited advice, unwelcome feedback, presumptuous helping…trying to meet someone’s presupposed personal needs can, in fact, create different unmet needs
6. Any joint activity where one person puts in more effort than another. You either don’t serve the shared need at hand as agreed upon, or you create more unmet needs (fairness).
Organizations that have implemented training around Clean Communication have noticed huge differences in the health of the community.
In the following pages, you will learn about all aspects of clean communication. You can follow the visual guide at the bottom of this page to learn all about Clean Communication.
Clean Communication and Emotional Intelligence
Clean Communication fosters an awareness of our own, and others’ personal feelings, needs and wants. This consciousness is a flavor of ‘Emotional Intelligence’ – the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, and to identify and assess them in others.
Emotional Intelligence predicts higher work performance three times better than I.Q! Leadership is largely an emotional intelligence.
Finally, emotional intelligence is one of the best predictors of divorce and marital satisfaction!
Elements of Emotional Intelligence