Touch and Miscellaneous

Kissing is culturally determined – whether or not, whom, how, how long, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kissing_traditions

While cheek kissing is a common greeting in many cultures, each country has a unique way of kissing. In Slovenia, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Macedonia, Montenegro the Netherlands and Egypt it is customary to “kiss three times, on alternate cheeks.”  Italians usually kiss twice in a greeting and in Mexico and Belgium only one kiss is necessary. In the Galapagos women kiss on the right cheek only and in Oman it is not unusual for men to kiss one another on the nose after a handshake. French culture accepts a number of ways to greet depending on the region. Two kisses are most common throughout all of France but in Provence three kisses are given and in Nantes four are exchanged.

For the how portion, the Kama Sutra offers a variety to explore:
http://www.dating360.info/the-kama-sutra-over-30-types-of-kisses/

Time/Place:

• Whenever getting into car
• Whenever getting home
• Upon seeing one another when separated
• Under mistletoe, which is usually strategically placed
• At a party, and sneaking off somewhere for a deeper kiss
• Waking up or going to bed
• End of a movie/tv show
• Whenever you see an animal of a certain kind (you decide how rare)
• Whenever someone says an unusual word in your company

Principal Purposes Served

• Emotional money in the bank
• Foster nurturing, affectionate, loving contact

Definitions/Distinctions:

Romantic act = one is surprised (and hopefully delighted) by the other, and usually a one-off or very rare event

Couple Ritual = both know about it, and it recurs/happens over and over again; both generally directly benefit

Service = doing something for another in which one does not, or only slightly/tangentially benefits

Romantic acts of service are generally NOT considered a couple ritual.  And, in regards to a repeated service, the act can very often or always be in the spirit of work instead of warming one’s and the other’s heart.  When both people in the relationship engage in these reciprocal acts of service for more everyday tasks, it’s sweet that the other is though of.

If the romantic act of repeated service does warm BOTH, and CONTINUES to have that feeling to it,
then it is a rare and useful couple ritual.

Variations

• Opening door of car or building
• Doing laundry
• Plugging in cell phone/tablet/laptop
• Filling partner’s car with gas
• Cleaning a meal’s dishes
• Doing the grocery shopping
• Making the bed

Principal Purposes Served

• Create stable touchstones
• Foster trust
• Manage conflict
• Help to accomplish tasks
• Emotional money in the bank

Minor squabbles over this and that happen all the time.  In the end, you often hear, “Wanna bet!?”  The bet may be over a fact, something that happened in the past, what someone said, or any number of other things.  People settle the immediate dispute by placing a wager on who is right, with the ante usually being a certain amount of money. With couples that have been together for even a little while, money very often loses its appeal as something to bet with.  One of the reasons may be that people throw their lot together and then usually switch from keeping score to not really caring all that much.  Money loses the zing that it commonly has with others.

Not that I’m trying to promote gambling, but I think it’s really lost opportunity that sporting betting between couples isn’t very common, because a good bet makes matters playful and intriguing.  Well, here’s an incentive you can use instead of money, a way of betting between mates that works out much better, better even than almost any other conceivable wager.

The two best “prizes” for winning a bet I’ve heard of are a surprise and a favor.  Let’s look at a surprise bet first.  You’re betting that whoever turns out to be wrong will have to surprise the other person, usually before the week is out.  I’m talking about a good surprise and not something spiteful or bitter!  With money, the amount of dollars indicates the confidence and consequence.  This element can be simulated with the surprise wager as well.  Use the qualifier of a little, medium, or huge surprise.  Betting for a surprise also serves to fulfill the need for predictability (the rules are known and agreed upon) and novelty (the surprise is unknown).  Both people usually have fun with it no matter who wins or loses, so the betting becomes fun almost regardless of which end of the stick you’re on.

Some couples have special songs that they use at various times.  They may sing it together on a walk, at the start of a meal or event, in the shower, or in the car.  For the self-conscious, humming or whistling seem to be favorites.  The songs usually have special significance and are frequently silly children’s songs, or traditional folk songs from the culture.   A song that has special significance to the relationship, such as being present in the early days frequently or during a particularly memorable moment, is also common.  In this case, hearing the song (rather than reproducing it yourselves) triggers the heart connection.

A digital variation is sending one another songs back and forth that would be enjoyed in some manner.  This version can offer a sense of play and predictability (that it will happen).  E-mail, texting a link to a song, Facebook, chat clients, etc.

Finally, a musical couple (both were musicians) would write one another a song once a year, and then sing at their anniversary.  The songs were different every year, and they would work on it all year long, so that the verses had a bit of history as well as sentiment mixed together.

This ritual borders on a romantic act, which is distinguished by being a surprise, and primarily in service to one person.  What makes King/Queen for a day a couple ritual is that it is planned, recurring, meaningful, and reciprocal (meaningful to both).

For that day (or hour(s)), your mate has royal power to command you as s/he wishes.  Offering absolute power requires absolute trust, and the reaffirmation of that in the act (regardless of what the requests are) is very powerful.  One couple made special tokens that could only be cashed in once every two months

Sample options/decrees:

• Bringing food and drink
• Cleaning / organizing
• Running errands
• Massage
• Sexual favors
• Cooking
• Showering with complements
• Doing something with the children
• Being sung to
• Fanned and fed grapes