This is our curated collection of resources related to Self-Love. If you haven’t read it already, you can read through the Self-Love section from the beginning here.
Throughout the chapter, you’ll find a variety of subjects: The Mind, The Body, Self-Compassion, and more. You can click on the red graphic at the bottom of this page to jump around.
Additionally, we’ve gathered Practice and Exercises from the section onto one page:
Books
Books on the Body
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk
Wisdom from Pema Chodron and Poetry from Rupi Kaur
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur
Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
Self-Love & Spirituality
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” by Marianne Williamson
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach, Ph.D.
Soul Craft, by Bill Plotkin
The Road Less Traveled by M Scott Peck
Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life by Henri Nouwen
Self-Love & Psychology
Identity and the Life Cycle by Erik Erikson – Learn about stages of social development here.
Transcend by Scott Barry Kaufman
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Christopher Germer
Children & Discrimination
Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
Creating Compassionate Kids – Essential Conversations to Have with Young Children by Shauna Tominey
More Books on Self-Love
Learning to Love Yourself by Gay Hendricks
All About Love by Bell Hooks
The Great Work of Your Life – A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling – by Stephen Cope
Learning to Love Yourself WORKBOOK by Gay Hendricks
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You by Karla Mclaren
salt. by Nayyirah Waheed
Videos
Insights from the School of Life
How to be a Friend to Yourself – This video from the school of life presents a core inner need that we share, and hold personally. All to homey illustrations.
On Disliking Oneself – ‘Many of us are walking around with an enormous secret burden: we deeply hate ourselves. That makes us very suspicious of anyone who likes us.’
Love and Self-Love – A helpful video from School of Life about loving yourself while in a partnership.
How to Process Your Emotions – Insightful as always, a video from the School of Life.
Videos on the Body
Self-Love, be Intentional – A TEDx talk by Caitlyn Roux. Learning through loss: cultivating a meaningful relationship with yourself.
How to Love Your Body – A TEDx talk by Sarah Doyle.
The Secret Ingredient to Feeling Good in your Body – A TEDx talk by Marla Mervis-Hartmann
Looks Aren’t Everything – Model Cameron Russell lifts the veil of supposed flawlessness in working as a model.
Why Come? Kate Shela – We forget that our body is all we have. This embodiment teacher reminds us of what it really means.
I’m Taking My Body Back – Rupi Kaur shares her poetry at TEDx.
Videos on Solitude
What a time to be alone! – Releasing the fear of being alone. | Chidera Eggerue| TEDxMauerPark
The person you really need to marry – Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen
Videos on Self-Compassion
Being Kinder to Yourself – The science of happiness as always excellently presented by Greater Good Science Center.
The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion – Kristin Neff at TEDx Centennial Park Women
Videos on Self-Love in Children
The Representation Project: Rewrite the Story – This project invites the viewer to take a pledge not to assign their children to destructive gender roles from birth.
The Mask You Live In – Trailer – Exploring America’s narrow definition of masculinity and the harm it causes boys and men.
More Videos on Self-Love
Fake it Till You Make It – This TED talk by Amy Cuddy is one of the most-watched of all time, and offers a powerful antidote to self-doubt.
The Power of Mantra – This TED talk given by Bhava Ram tells the story of being close to death and hearing three words from his son that inspired him to take control of his life.
Looks Aren’t Everything – Model Cameron Russell lifts the veil of supposed flawlessness in working as a model.
What is the Ego? – A video interview with Wayne Dyer.
Ego is the Enemy – “If i ask you to list down all the miseries of your life, all the problems that you constantly encounter, regardless of its nature, its one way or another connected to your ego.”
Stop Sabotaging Yourself – A TEDx talk by Leading health, mindset, and lifestyle coach Debi Silber.
Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth – An uplifting and empowering TEDx talk from Adia Gooden
Links
Helpful Websites:
- Hendricks Institute – Gay Hendricks’s website offers ample resources, both free and paid, including courses.
- The Work of Byron Katie – This can be a helpful resource for many aspects of personal growth. For years, Katie has helped millions to live better lives.
- Rupi Kaur is an Indian-born Canadian poet, performer, and illustrator. Her poems plant seeds of transformation, and her drawings deliver messages of healing and hope to her readers worldwide.
On Self-Sabotage:
- What Are Your Self-Sabotage Triggers? – An article from Psychology Today: Take control and learn how to stop self-defeating behaviors in their tracks.
- 5 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Yourself – First, give up dwelling on “If only…” ( If only I hadn’t dropped out of college).
- Why We Self-Sabotage – And what factors cause you to flip the switch.
- 8 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Success – The world will put countless obstacles in your path but none will be as big as the ones you create for yourself.
On Self-Compassion:
- Dr. Kristin Neff’s website – Full of resources and material on the subject of self-compassion.
- Dr. Neff’s resources – Her recommended reading and other web resources.
Self-Love and Children:
- Five Ways to Talk with Your Kids So They Feel Loved – These warm, nurturing messages need repeating over and over again with our children.
- The Effect of Social Media in Young Girls – An article by Huffpost
- Greater Competition for College Places Means Higher Anxiety, Too – From the New York Times
- Six Ways to Help Girls Become Strong Women in a Sexist World – A new book reviews some of the pressures girls face in today’s culture and what we can do to help them.
More Tools and Links:
- Find a Therapist Near You – By Psychology Today.
- Find a Therapist through Open Path
- Why kids and teens may face far more anxiety these days – an article by Washington post.
- Lovingkindness Meditation with Jack Kornfield – this 12-minute audio clip will guide you through a practice of ‘metta’ or loving kindness in a simple, easy way.
- The Blissful Mind – 25 Daily Affirmations to Improve Your Mindset
- Al-Anon’s Slogans – “You may have heard some of these slogans hundreds of times before without ever taking them seriously or trying to put them to work. After all, they are clichés, and easy to disregard. But it is their very simplicity that makes them so powerful.”
- The Three Raindrops – This simple little story shows the human condition of comparing ourselves to others and the mess this pattern leads us to.
- “Likes” for Self-Love? The Effects of Social Media on Self-Perception – Elizabeth Gallinari
On Body and Body Image:
- Recovery Warriors – eating disorder resource and creative outlet
- On Being In Your Body – resource for workshops, online courses, and retreats that guide individuals to embrace and embody themselves.
- Give Back Yoga, Kripalu.org, and Mind and Life – These are each helpful yoga resources.
- 5 Rhythms – A form of dance therapy, in a sense.
- Back In My Body – A song by Maggie Rogers acknowledging her relationship to her body.
On Abuse:
- Learn more about child abuse – Stats and facts.
- How to Help – If you suspect someone is being abused, follow these steps to take action.
- Emergency Hotlines
On Discrimination:
- Just Mercy – A story about the Equal Justice Initiative. Documentary HERE.
- Black Self / White World – Lessons on internalized racism.
- Letter to White Queers – an Audio poem by Andrea Gibson
Research:
- Instagram: motives for its use and relationship to narcissism and contextual age
- Vogel, Roberts, and Eckles (2014) revealed that viewing social media profiles with positive content was associated with low self-esteem.
- Studies conducted by Burrow and Rainone (2017) have suggested that receiving a greater number of “likes” reliably predicted greater self-esteem. The two researchers also based their examinations on the sociometer theory, which supports the idea that self-esteem is calibrated based on inclusion or rejection within a social environment. Facebook’s like button can help fuel this sense of inclusion or rejection, since others can choose to like or ignore a post.
- Facebook interaction has led to feelings of low self-worth and low self-perception (de Vries &Kühne, 2015).
- De Vries, D. A., & Kühne, R. (2015). Facebook and self-perception: Individual susceptibility to negative social comparison on facebook. Personality And Individual Differences, 86217- 221. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2015.05.029
- Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7117-140. doi:10.1177/001872675400700202
- Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Okdie, B. M., Eckles, K., & Franz, B. (2015). Who compares and despairs? The effect of social comparison orientation on social media use and its outcomes. Personality And Individual Differences,86249-256. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2015.06.026
- Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology Of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047
Quotes
“I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”- The Invitation, Oriah Mountaindreamer
“I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.” – Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s poem The Invitation
“Compassion for oneself is often neglected in spiritual practice.” – Jack Kornfield
“The ground for compassion is established first by practicing sensitivity toward ourselves.” – Jack Kornfield
“Mature spirituality is not based on seeking perfection, on achieving some imaginary sense of purity. It is based simply on the capacity to let go and to love, to open the heart to all that is. Without ideals, the heart can turn the suffering and imperfections we encounter into the path of compassion.” – Jack Kornfield
“That is the true meaning of compassion …Complete feeling of kinship or openness…” – Pema Chodron“Rather than forgiving a “self” we forgive the experiences we are identified with. “ I forgive the shame” “I forgive the rage” Rather than trying to forgive a “self” we forgive the experiences we are identifying with.” – Tara Brach in Radical Acceptance
“It’s a miracle that you’re here at all.”- John Craigie
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”― Rumi
“There have been so many times I have seen a man wanting to weep but instead beat his heart until it was unconscious.” — Nayyirah Waheed
“Like waking up from a bad dream, when we can see our own prison, we also see our potential” –Tara Brach, Phd.
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering the attitudes of the mind.” – William James
“People are terrified of being in a body, and they forget it’s actually all they have, all they’re ever going to own, all they’re ever going to experience.” – Kate Shela, Embodiment Teacher.
“Everyone needs to be in touch with the needs of their spirit. This connectedness calls us to spiritual awakening- to love.” – Bell Hooks
“To me, the divine is the loving awareness that is our source and essence. When we pay careful attention, we see every person as an expression of the love and goodness we cherish. Every being becomes the Beloved.” – Tara Brach
“Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depth of their hearts …If only they could see themselves as they really are, if only we could see each other that way all the time, there would be no more need for war, for hatred, for greed, for cruelty. I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other.” – Thomas Merton
“All problems are illusions of the mind.” – Eckhart Tolle
“Until I came to terms with myself internally, I could travel to the ends of the earth and not feel at peace.” – Gay hendricks
“If I am the longest relationship of my life
Isn’t it time to nurture intimacy
And love
With the person
I lie in bed with each night
~acceptance”
-Rupi Kaur“Mind is everything. What we think we become.” – The Buddha
Empowering Perspective
Empowering Self