Address Your Current Situation

We need to be able to identify and address the issues at our current workplace so they don’t show up at the next. You may be well on your way with this piece of the puzzle, as you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t considering jumping ship.  If you haven’t already, try the following activities activities to help you identify what isn’t working:

Use this exercise to compare your satisfaction with different elements of your work and get a clearer vision of the whole picture:

Use this workbook to determine what function you want your job to serve in your life. It is easier to make decisions about what we want our job to look like when we know what we want our job to do for us. In tandem with this workbook, take the Ranked Job Functions quiz to gain clarity on what is currently most important to you at work.

Additionally, it’s hugely helpful to understand how our perspective on what work is for is influencing our experience. The exercise “What is your narrative about work?” can help you figure this out.

If you have already done the above, the following exercises can help you gain even more clarity.

**Keep in mind that job satisfaction is complicated. If we laterally apply theories about why people stay in unsatisfying relationships to why people stay in unsatisfying jobs, researchers Drigotas and Rusbult would offer that it comes down to dependence on the job to meet needs we don’t believe we can meet elsewhere. Think of needs as the things on the Elements of Satisfaction Wheel. The Needs Satisfaction Dependence Model provides that choosing to stay in or leave a relationship involves the following:

• The degree to which each of several needs is important in the individual’s relationship;
• The degree to which each of those needs is effectively satisfied in that relationship;
• For each need, whether there is anyone other than the current partner with whom the individual has an important relationship;
• The degree to which each need is satisfied by the alternative relationship.

It’s not hard to see similarities in behavior when it comes to our relationships with our work. Our satisfaction and our decision to stay can shift based on what is most important to us personally for our job to fulfill, how well those needs are met, and our understanding/perception of our alternatives. (Drigotas & Rusbult 1992)

General Overview of the Problems at Work Process

The issues you face at work will likely fall into three categories: solvable problems, workable problems, and deal-breakers. Solvable problems you address head on (see Solving and Working with Problems). They are within your control to influence. If you’ve thoroughly attempted to address an issue and it turns out it’s beyond your influence, you either have a workable problem or a deal-breaker. Deal-breakers are problems you absolutely cannot come to terms with or tolerate, like sexual harassment, discrimination, or unfair wages. On the other hand you may have a workable problem. Workable problems are those that you can live with. They aren’t big enough to convince you to leave, especially if the job checks many other boxes for you. That doesn’t mean you suffer through them, though. You make a conscious internal shift to work with the problem.

Almost all complaints you have at work can first be looked at as solvable problems. Occasionally you will immediately be able to identify an issue as a deal-breaker, but this ought to be (hopefully) a rare occurrence.* So when you think of an issue at work, start by looking at it as solvable → then workable → then as a deal-breaker (if it gets to that point). “Knowing” something can’t be resolved or isn’t worth resolving would make this exercise useless to go through. Typically you only know if something can’t be resolved by trying to resolve it (and you know something isn’t worth it because the costs outweigh your personally preferred benefits; more on that in Okay, it’s time to quit…). When you approach all problems first as solvable, you give yourself the greatest opportunity for overcoming them and finding an optimal solution. You can find suggestions for ways to approach solvable problems in Solving and Working with Problems– but we’ll get there in a moment.

Once you have taken several actions towards solving an issue and it persists, it may move to the workable category. If it feels like something you can genuinely accept (read: not suffer through) because other aspects of the job are more important to you, you shift your perspective and attitude (see Perspective exercises above). In the scenario that you absolutely cannot find value in or transmute the issue at all, you may have a deal-breaker on your hands. If you do, you can read about how to transition in Okay, it’s time to quit and transition.

*If you find yourself running up against deal-breakers constantly, check out the Common Denominator exercise. Note that this does not apply to HR violations.

Examples of Putting a Problem Through the Process

Let’s take some examples of common work complaints through the model.

***It’s important to note that this isn’t necessarily a linear process. You may (and would likely benefit from doing so) start by approaching a problem as workable and do innershifts in how you relate to it before treating it as solvable and taking external measures. You may get to the deal-breaker stage and decide you’d like to approach it as workable again. If or until you decide to leave that job, you could go through these stages in various patterns over and over again. 

Additionally, this is only one angle of approach to increasing job satisfaction. Used alone, it misses tons of complexity in what makes work worth it to us. Use this tool in conjunction with Refine What Your Job is For, The Job Satisfaction Wheel, The Myths of Purpose, and Hindrances to Purpose for a more complete picture.

Try out the Problem Process for yourself using the exercise below. This one is a thought experiment, though, in preparation for the real deal. You can use what you come up with here as a guide for your next steps.

1. Make sure you’re emotionally centered.
   Before you can problem-solve, you need to be regulated. When we’re emotionally activated we are operating from the reactive, primal part of our brain that instructs us to fight or flee. Once we calm down we can access the part of our brain responsible for executive functioning, which includes reasoning and problem-solving.
   Some simple regulation techniques include breathing exercises, taking a walk, or singing. You can find more here.
2. State the problem in one or two sentences.
   Oftentimes we’re bothered by more than one thing but conflate them together to be one mega-problem. Take a moment to define the issue and pick one problem to work with. Summarizing it concisely and specifically can give you a clear starting point.
   • “I’m struggling to get my subordinates to listen to me. I can’t tell if its something I’m doing or the way they are.”
   • “I don’t think what I do matters and feel like I’m wasting my life at this job.”
   • “I’m not making enough money.”
3. What do you want?
   It is essential to understand what we would rather our reality look like. Sometimes this is a tough question to answer- we think, “Well, obviously I want ___ not to happen anymore!” But take some time to consider what it is you do want. Rather than make the problem go away (a negative wish), what would you want to experience in its place (a positive wish)? It can help to imagine what the ideal situation would look like if there were no rules and everything was perfect. Don’t worry about what is actually possible— take a moment to consider what you truly want… then state it!
   • “I want more flexibility in my schedule.”
   • “I want to feel like I belong and people like me/value my contribution.”
   • “I want more influence over how decisions are made.”
4. List the strategies you have already tried to get what you want.
   This is the part where you reflect on how you’ve handled the situation thus far: consider what actions you’ve taken or not taken, or what you’ve done to cope. What have you done in response to the problem and in light of what you want? Take a moment to list everything you have done- even if that has been nothing.
   Have you asked for help? Have you worried about it every day? Have you tried to make peace with it internally? Have you unloaded on your friends about it? Have you stayed up later to get more done? Have you avoided someone? Name all the ways you’ve responded to the issue, even if they don’t seem like conscious strategies.
5. Explain how effective or ineffective those strategies have been.
   Look over the list of things you’ve done to cope with or address the problem. How well have those worked? What has been the outcome of these strategies and how (if at all) are they helping you achieve what you want?
   • “Complaining to my spouse and coworkers helps me let off steam- but honestly it doesn’t do anything to resolve the issue.”
   • “I asked my boss for help but they didn’t understand me and gave me irrelevant advice.”
   • “I have started to ask for and do more creativity-oriented tasks. This is helping a little but not a lot.”
6. What are your options now?
   Back to the drawing board! List out all of your options— and we do mean ALL of them. Even name the ones you don’t want to do, just to acknowledge that they are an option. What are other things you haven’t tried yet that you could do to address this problem? Remember, maintaining things as they currently are is one of your options (albeit likely one that hasn’t been effective). At this point you can also ask someone to help you think of a few strategies (and there are some ideas in “Extra Support” below).
   • “I could tell X what I’m thinking and how I’ve been feeling, and make a request.”
   • “I could ask to work from home part time.”
   • “I could host a dinner party and invite my coworkers.”
   • “I could start exercising before work so I’m less anxious when I arrive.”
7. Choose a strategy.
   Evaluate the options you came up with and choose the best one. Sometimes we still aren’t sure what’s best. That’s okay, it’s still worth trying something anyway. You can adjust and try different things if your first choice doesn’t work. Also, this is a great point in the process to seek mentorship- accessing the wisdom of people who are where you want to be and have been where you are is invaluable. (Want to learn more about making decisions? Check out Chip Heath’s book, “Decisive”).
   • “I will communicate what’s going on and make a request on Monday.”
   • “I will set a boundary with my coworker about how I want to focus on my tasks and chat a bit less next time they interrupt me.”
   • “I will apply for the promotion as soon as applications are open.”
8. Try it out! Monitor and adjust.
   Now that you’ve selected a strategy, give it a whirl. Monitor how well it is working and adjust as necessary. Go back through the process if the problem persists and try another strategy with the feedback you got from trying the first option. Solving your problem may not be a one-and-done sort of issue (although it’s possible it is!).

Examples of the Problem-Solving Process in action

The Issue:  Jack works at a residential treatment center for teens. The work is challenging, the hours are long, and he isn’t paid very much. However, he deeply enjoys supporting the kids through their healing process, is skilled at navigating conflict, and finds the work meaningful. Unfortunately he has begun to feel resentful about the amount of effort he puts into the work in relation to his compensation.

The Process:

1. Regulation. Jack isn’t particularly emotional about this topic but he still waits until a time when he feels centered and open, rather than angry or frustrated.
2. The Problem: After some processing, Jack realizes that the nature or amount of the work isn’t the issue, rather that he can’t sustain the work considering his other life priorities due to the cost of living. He thinks that if he gets paid more the work will feel more justifiable in the context of supporting the rest of his life.
3. The Desire: Jack wants to use his time wisely and supporting himself is a factor in that. His desire is to have meaningful work that pays him enough to meet his needs.
4. Past/Current Strategies: Up until this point he has mostly complained about the unfairness of the situation to family and friends in order to get some validation and support. He hasn’t tried to directly address the issue.
5. Effectiveness of Strategies: Getting validated by people has helped sustain him a bit longer. Unfortunately, he realizes a lot of the people he goes to end up commiserating with him, which ends up increasing his sense of resentment and makes him more angry.
6. Other Options: He could quit and look for a new job, he could ask for a raise, he could work to simplify his living costs, he could seek a position at the same organization that pays more, he could continue as things are and use complaining to let off steam
7. Chosen Strategy: Ask for a raise
8. Try, Monitor, Adjust: Jack asked for a raise and was granted a small one. While the acknowledgment felt good, he was still frustrated with the situation. He ended up trying to decrease his expenses but found that he was already living very frugally. Next he decided to apply for a higher-level, better-paid position at the same organization.

The Issue: Kaitlyn is a remote free-lance software engineer. She takes contracts with various companies who find her on online listing services. She adores the freedom this gives her and is satisfied with her pay. Unfortunately, she’s grown pretty bored and feels a bit stifled. She wants her work to feel more interesting and engaging.

The Process:

1. Regulation. After a tough day that she really struggled through because it felt dull and repetitive, Kaitlyn was frustrated and dismayed. She felt fed-up and wanted to start looking for a new job immediately. Before doing that, however, she chose to go for a run, shower, and have some dinner in order to calm down and clear her head. After dinner she felt much more centered and less reactive.
2. The Problem: Kaitlyn feels bored and stuck.
3. The Desire: She wants work that is more engaging, enjoyable, and interesting.
4. Past/Current Strategies: In the past she has tried to achieve this by taking on a variety of different kinds of projects.
5. Effectiveness of Strategies: Doing different styles of projects hasn’t resolved the issue.
6. Other Options: Continue what she is doing and feel bored, get trained in a new skill that she can add on to her current work, quit and find a new type of job, re-design how she approaches her workday (schedule, diet, meditation, exercise), take a position at a company where she can go into an office and be around people/have relationships, find work with a company that contributes to a cause she believes in, reflect on her interests and values and get a better understanding of why this isn’t working.
7. Chosen Strategy: Get a better understanding of her values and interests and how they could be integrated with her work and then take a class in a new skill that she could combine into her current services.
8. Try, Monitor, Adjust: Kaitlyn can continue to develop her skills and integrate more enjoyable things into her work-day. This may or may not resolve the issue entirely. If it does not, she can go back to her other strategies or address other nuances of the problem as she learns more through experimentation.

A few things to keep in mind about this process:

• Problem solving is an endless process. Oof, yeah. Sorry to tell you it’s not a one-and-done kinda a thing (most of the time). Even if you manage to find a solution to your current dilemma, it’s likely that another one will pop up in its place eventually. But don’t despair– you can always keep this process in your tool belt! Understanding that you will continue to encounter challenges at work (and in life in general) will help increase your resilience. Actively addressing the challenges you encounter will help build your self-efficacy. It is highly unlikely that any job you have will be perfect. That doesn’t mean you can’t work on the problems you run into and try to improve your experience.

• You can use this model to collaborate on a solution with someone you are not in agreement with. Struggling with a superior or coworker is an especially common problem to have at work. You can sit down and go through these steps together in order to prioritize understanding each party’s concerns and desires. You could also use the Elevated Conversation Guide from the Listening section for a super in-depth guide to navigating conversation. Other relevant resources for conflict resolution include Change Your Mind, 100% Responsibility, and Compassionate Communication
• Pro Tip: Go through this process with a mentor. Have them guide you through the process by asking the steps as questions and then reflecting back what they understand you to be saying. *Their role is not to offer you advice unless you ask them for it in step 6. Even then, they are not to share their opinions, judgments, or personal stories; rather they are to function as a sounding board for you to clarify your thoughts and options.

1. Make sure you’re emotionally centered.
   Before you can effectively work with a problem you need to be regulated. When we’re emotionally activated we are operating from the reactive, primal part of our brain that instructs us to fight or flee. Once we calm down we can access the part of our brain responsible for executive functioning, which includes reasoning and problem-solving. Some simple regulation techniques include breathing exercises, taking a walk, or singing. You can find more here.
2. State the problem in one or two sentences.
   Oftentimes we’re bothered by more than one thing but conflate them together to be one mega-problem. Take a moment to define the issue and pick one problem to work with. Summarizing it concisely and specifically can give you a clear starting point.
3. State what it is you want.
   Whatever the issue, it’s an issue because it interferes with something we think we want. Take a moment to consider what the positive experience you would rather be having would look like. Do you want more ease? Freedom? Connection? Acknowledgment? Be honest with yourself, and frame it in terms of what you do want, not what you don’t want.
4. Allow and accept your experience.
   Notice and name how you are feeling and the judgments you are making of the situation. Allow those things to exist without being so tough on yourself; you’re human after all! What would it be like to forgive yourself for what you’re feeling and/or resisting in this situation? Give yourself the opportunity to normalize your reaction to this situation and forgive yourself and those involved.
5. State your priorities and commit to them 100%.
   Remember the Primary Function exercise you did? Remind yourself what is most important to you about your job and how it fits into your life. Remind yourself that you are committed to having a positive experience at work. Recommit yourself to this endeavor. Perhaps contribution and gratitude are more important to you than the ease you aren’t experiencing right now. Perhaps your desire for growth trumps the lack of prosperity.
6. Shift focus and energy to your priorities.
   Try a handful of shift exercises to move the energy and focus that this issue has drawn towards your other priorities and possibilities. Here are a few:
   • Ask yourself: What are you learning from this experience? What value might it have?
   • How significant will this situation be in 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years?
   • Tell the story of your situation to multiple strangers and get their takes on it.
   • And a host of others are available on the Freedom from Suffering page.

A note about the workable process: It can be hard to shift when something is bothering us! And, what is the point of suffering when you’ve made up your mind to prioritize something else? The above process is an oversimplification of a more nuanced process called needs shifting.

Needs Shifting

Needs-shifting is a concept from Compassionate Communication (also known as Non-Violent Communication, or NVC). NVC is based on the idea that all human beings experience a set of universal needs like belonging, freedom, or security. To put the philosophy very basically, NVC offers that when we have a problem we are experiencing an unmet need. Need shifting is the conscious or unconscious process of moving away from certain needs and/or towards other needs with peace, power and balance.

For example, let’s say your work is particularly demanding right now because you’ve taken on new responsibilities and are learning new skills. Need shifting in this scenario could mean shifting peacefully from a need for more convenience right now to your need for competence in the long term.

You can learn more about needs shifting here.

Resources on the site for learning about shifting:

• Needs shifting in NVC
• Power of Perspective
• The Creative vs Reactive Brain: Shifting
• Freedom from Suffering
• 100% Responsibility
• How to Change One’s Mind
• Your Storied Life
• Change Your Mind
• The Town of Challenge